I Lived

Last year, I reblogged the featured picture on my Tumblr. I had survived 2015, and that was my most important accomplishment. I had gone into treatment, survived out of treatment, relapsed, and managed to get back on track without going back into residential. I didn’t know how I would get through 2015, but I knew that I had to. And I did. That was my biggest accomplishment.

I saw this image again pretty recently, and I realized it isn’t true anymore. The most important thing I did this year wasn’t survived, it was live. 

This year I finished my first consecutive school year since 2012. That was a huge accomplishment, and one of my biggest goals.

I got to go on my first spring break, and I went to Costa Rica with a bunch of wonderful people; we practiced yoga and danced until the early morning.

I worked two jobs in spring semester, one over summer, and I work two solidly right now, and a third when I’m writing for other people. I never held a job for more than a few months before this year.

I fell back in love with writing. I wrote a book. I started this blog. I started blogging for other people. I found that passion again.

I figured out what does and does not work for me in relationships. I dated and broke up with people without intentionally hurting them.

I was honest and open. I made friends with healthy people and I enjoyed my time with them.

I went to parties and bars, I went dancing (sober!). I had fun and stayed up far past the time that I should have.

I started painting and drawing. Generally being creative again. I found my passion for self-expression.

I got a dog. A dog that made me get out of my house everyday and go for walks. A dog that offers unconditional love and cuddles.

I was diagnosed with neuropathy, which I thought would be the end of the life I know. It is still hard and I’m still dealing with it–but I am dealing with it. Without hurting myself.

I have gone this entire year so far (and with hard work, the rest of this year) without self-harming. I haven’t punished myself for existing.

I learned my limits with myself, and with others. I learned how to manage my own needs before managing others. I’m still not the best at it, but I’m getting better.

I’m getting better. In all aspects of being a person.

I did not just survive this year, I lived it.

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