It’s been a hard year.
So hard there are empty chairs, missing voices, heavy silences.
So hard that getting out of bed feels impossible.
So hard that next year feels like it is miles away.
But the miles are nothing.
The miles are nothing if you let other people carry you when you get tired.
The miles are nothing compared to how far we have already come.
And to think of what those miles could include is to think of how we can live beyond.
If there is a single smile, a single laugh, a single moment of peace then the journey is worth it.
If there are more, then the journey is worth it.
If there are none, the journey is still worth it.
Taking yourself into a new time, while daunting, is worth it.
The new year is not the only new time.
It is not the only time that counts.
Taking yourself into a new time can start at any point.
Tomorrow morning can be a new time.
Five hours from now can be a new time.
One hour from now can be a new time.
Ten minutes from now can be a new time.
One second from now is a new time.
It does not always have to be a hard year.
It can be a hard day in the middle of a beautiful year.
All you have to do is keep moving, keep letting people move you.
There is nothing holding you from continuing on.
If the new year started right this second, I would still exist exactly as I am.
Tired, anxious, but ready to keep on.
If the new year started right now, I would not be new.
If I wanted to be new I would do it now, start now.
I would not let this year continue on as a hard year.
And I am not letting this year continue on as a hard year.
I am sitting surrounded by love.
I am smiling, laughing, breathing, thinking, continuing.
I will not be new on January first, because I will be new whenever I want.
This year may have chewed up so many of us but we are still here.
We are still fighting.
There is nothing that can take that away from us.
Happy holidays to anyone that is celebrating today, and happy Sunday to anyone that is not.
Today I sat down after a morning with my family, and thought about all the people that are missing from my figurative table. The people that have been lost, the people that didn’t make it out. I am sad, but I have been able with time to grieve and realize that they would want me to keep on.
I have let myself be sad and overwhelmed this year. I have let myself be anxious, tired, scared. I have let myself feel what I needed to feel about everything that has gone on this year. It has been a hard year, but we are making it through. I don’t want to be a new person, on New Year’s Day. I want to be the person I am inclined to be, no matter the day, time, or any outside circumstance.
That’s my goal, and it has nothing to do with New Year’s Resolutions, because I want to maintain it for the rest of time. Be me, change as I see fit, and stop waiting.
P.S. I painted the featured picture, but didn’t have a reason to write about it until now.