Firstly, let me apologize for being absent for nearly the entire month of March. I didn’t update about my happiness project, or really anything at all. So let’s talk about February first, and then we’ll go from there.
For February, I was focusing on creativity. I, for the most part, accomplished that. I worked on a whole lot of poetry and that felt great. I also did some painting/drawing/other creative stuff, and that was nice. While I didn’t get my room painted, I did start drawing out what I want it to look like.
What I noticed in February was that, while I was holding to my project, other aspects of my life were getting a little haywire.
Living in constant pain has made me very angry at my body, and therefor made me not want to treat it well. I’m not proud of that thought process, but it is my thought process, and I own that. I was pushing my body to do too much and not giving it enough of what it needs (food, rest). I decided to focus to drop, or rather alter, the project for the month of March.
During the last month, I went back to therapy and saw my dietitian again. I made an appointment with Mayo Clinic (which is this week!), and tried to get into a sleeping schedule where I was asleep by midnight–which didn’t happen all of the time, but it did sometimes. I got good sunshine and carried my water bottle around with me everywhere I went. I followed my dietitian’s guidelines and added more to what I was eating.
Of course, one month is not going to perfect my habits and get me back to being healthy. I know that, and I don’t expect that. But what I did want was to focus on me a little more. I think I accomplished that for the most part, despite struggling with a downswing in my mood and an increase in school demands.
Now that April is here, I’m extending that on. The point of the project is to keep the habits you developed in previous months and continue them. So while I will still strive to keep all of my January goals (focused on increasing energy), my February goals (focused on creativity), and my March goals (focused on health), I am also adding in the April goals. I decided to focus April around self-positivity.
A lot of my self-depreciating comments and/or beliefs are based in old thoughts and patterns that are not still existent. But yet they still exist, and that is largely because I haven’t worked hard enough to change them.
My goals for this month are:
- Practice thought-stopping for negative thoughts
- Disengage with negative humor
- Do something nice for myself everyday (which includes as little as playing with my dog in the sun, or as much as taking a day-trip to the ocean, or anywhere in-between)
- Say two nice things about myself for every negative thing I say about myself
While many of these are internal, I am in the process of enlisting my friends to bring attention to my use of negative humor and negative statements. Constant self-depreciation, even when humorous, will not get me to grow into the person I want to be. It’s time to start working on making it stop.